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making out on facebook

Everyone has a Facebook pet peeve. I have many, and it still doesn’t stop me from making the same mistakes as everyone else. I’ve humble bragged about my kids on FB, I’ve promoted my blog on FB, I’ve had food remorse on FB, I’ve overshared on FB (classic example of oversharing below). The evil magic of FB is that the absolute lameness of your posts never becomes apparent until weeks, even months, after the fact. But make no mistake: that post you weren’t 100% sure about will eventually reveal itself to have been super lame.

There are a lot of ways to be annoying on FB, but let’s get real real: there is nothing worse than people who proclaim their love for their significant other on their wall. There’s a place for this kind of stomach-turning behavior, and it’s called, that’s right, your bedroom.  But I get that this is the internet age, and that things don’t really happen unless they happen publicly, so here’s an idea: maybe create a Pinterest board about your lover and then pin a bunch of mash notes and Godiva chocolates to it.

Like many others, I experience wild flashes of love/affection for my spouse, but I try not to post about Tom unless he says or does something ridiculous, or happens to be in a photograph with my kids. So no photos of date nights, no old photos of our wedding, and no status updates saying “I love my husband cuz he emptied the dishwasher for the first time EVER–LOL!!,” no matter how tempting. Because here’s the sad truth about romance: no one wants to hear about someone else’s romantic bliss. The odds are slim that you and your spouse are living a love affair for the ages. So why not go back to status updating about the really compelling parts of your relationship, like the petty crap you argue about? Now that’s the stuff, and we’re all ears.

best to nip this kind of FB behavior in the bud

Of course, it’s acceptable to complain about your spouse on FB, but if the complaining devolves into actual sparring with your spouse on FB, we’re back to square one. Because the only thing grosser than making out with your spouse on FB is making out with your spouse on FB after you’ve had a cute fight on FB. The cute fight usually happens when someone posts something funny about their spouse, and then the subject spouse feels the need to make an appearance on the post to defend themselves.  The thing the subject spouse never seems to understand is that nothing kills the funny like commenting on the funny. Tom has learned this lesson the hard way. He was killing all the potentially funny stuff on my wall until I told him point blank to knock it off.

And Tom, I protest you commenting on my post.

To give him credit, Tom now gets it–he knows that when I post something on my wall, it’s the Yoona Show. It’s not the Tom Show. For those who are interested, there is a Tom show, and it’s playing over on Tom’s wall.  A heads up: the Tom show mostly plays repeats of Michigan highlights and U of M promotional videos.  Tom’s use of Facebook is generally so terrible that I’m tempted to de-friend my own husband.  If you didn’t know Tom, you’d think the person manning his FB page was either 85 years old or the ghost of Bo Schembechler.

fascinating.

Here’s hoping that no one takes this post too personally, because if there is FB behavior that annoys you, I’ve surely done it, with one exception (of which I am inordinately proud): I’ve never status updated about the weather.  But there’s always tomorrow’s status update.

What’s your Facebook pet peeve?

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57 Comments Post a comment
  1. Courtney #

    BTW, Sadie really liked this post.

    On Veterans day I try to recognize my husband with a post, but I don’t think I’m guilty of molesting him emotionally on FB. If I ever engaged in such behavior, he would certainly deserve it and it would make up for some homefront lapses. I AM guilty of commenting on the weather and think it is hurtful for you to put down such comments. Sometimes it’s nice and I want to enjoy a shared experience. I’m sorry if I like to know when other people’s kids’ birthdays are–as I get older I get more blown away by the passage of time and how quickly it’s rolling by.

    My favorite FB moment is when I drunkenly called my law partner an “ass” on FB and 13 people “liked” my post, including his son.

    All of that being said, my biggest FB pet peeve is when people post comments criticizing Chris Brown for being on the Grammys and then cyberbully me for standing up for the poor bastard. That is intolerable to me.

    February 29, 2012
    • i’ve had three people ask me if my friend courtney is really hurt that i made fun of weather-related posts. so thanks for that

      March 5, 2012
  2. I agree completely! Nothing is left off of facebook anymore- for instance documenting a pregnancy starting in the 4th week! We of the facebook population don’t love accidentally stumbling upon someone’s stories about how they can no longer eat beans because of the gas, etc.

    February 29, 2012
  3. I am guilty of filling my FB full of garbage. I do get quite a few ‘likes’ from my friends. But I can imagine being on the unsubscribed list for the rest of the population. haha oh wells.

    February 27, 2012
    • well if people like it, it can hardly be garbage, can it? dangerous rationalizing, probably

      March 5, 2012
  4. To all the mommies on Facebook: Your kid’s not that cute, and no one cares!

    February 25, 2012
    • i’m encouraged that you’re keeping it as grumpy as ever, bbanss

      March 5, 2012
  5. I heart this post!

    February 24, 2012
  6. Maybe you have way better friends than me, but I DESPISE the roller-coaster lives. And it ain’t just the hormonal women. Men are offenders, too. One day on top of the world, life is grand; the next day, sick or broke or depressed or tired or boo-hoo them. Those that punctuate their “life is grand” moments with Bible verses are the absolute worst. And any “my life sucks” posts should receive comments that say “Yes, it does. So do you. Keep it at home ’cause those of on FB either want to laugh, or be entertained. We do not want to pity.”

    February 24, 2012
  7. Fia #

    I’m so happy I don’t use fb. What I hate most abot it are all the “good girls” posting stuff like: “I’ve baked scones, been to the gym, finished my degree project, visited my best friend and cleaned the whole house and it’s only 9 AM”. What do they want? Make me feel like crap sitting in my pajamas all day long doing nothing? No success. I love lazy weekends and being at home.

    February 24, 2012
  8. I play it safe by not posting or even saying nice things about my spouse in any context whatsoever. And I limit my facebook activity to posting sweet photos of myself taken from the length of my own arm. Nice.

    February 24, 2012
    • But seriously, my facebook problem (read: faux pas?) is I only comment when I have a wry or ironic one-liner to add to a comment thread. It probably has the effect of making people think I’m a bastard. I have to get over the notion that saying anything nice or ingenuous is itself a facebook faux pas. Once again, yoonanimous has opened up some long closed-off territory in me. Here’s a go at the new Pat: Yoona, your blog is great. I find it hilarious, and I always want to share it with my spouse and my friends. That felt good.

      February 24, 2012
      • I’m also very bad with the earnestness on FB.

        I like the old Pat, and the new Pat. I wish both Pats and his family lived in Portland so we could hang out.

        February 24, 2012
  9. David Bean #

    When people wish their young child happy birthday on FB. If the kid has a FB page, that’s wrong. If she doesn’t, then don’t try to tell her something on FB. That’s just annoying. When I’ve been really pissy, I’ve commented: “I didn’t know little Suzie had a FB page. I’ll have to friend her.”

    February 23, 2012
    • one of my best friends did this today, but i love her and her kid, so it was ok. plus she was aware she was potentially committing a faux pas, which makes it a whole different thing. it’s ironical

      February 23, 2012
      • Suzanne #

        phew!

        February 24, 2012
  10. I find the apps that track the development of fetuses super creepy. If I was meant to know that at this many weeks your future kid is 2/3 brain with toothpick limbs it would be growing in a glass bowl at the office not in the privacy of your body. Enough!

    February 23, 2012
    • oh i haven’t seen that app! i’ll be on the lookout.

      February 23, 2012
    • I’ve seen that app! too many times. also a pet peeve.

      February 24, 2012
  11. Danielle Maris #

    My husband has the awesome habit of “liking” everything I put on FB. I’m sure he thinks he’s being supportive but, come on.I know you like me. Other people don’t care.

    February 23, 2012
    • oh funny. but better my husband’s “like” than no “likes” at all.

      February 23, 2012
  12. Lori #

    Hilarious as usual! I totally and completely agree with your sentiment…I am sitting here trying to come up with a witty status update that would reflect the mudanity of marriage. I have some ideas but none are really good. If we had a “let’s be brutally honest status update day” wouldn’t it be refreshing?! (and comical!)

    “Scrubbed the toilet, forgot to exercise, got in a fight with my husband about the dog – what an asshole.”

    February 23, 2012
    • lori, i would raise a toast for the first person to call their spouse an asshole non-ironically on FB.

      February 23, 2012
  13. Erin #

    I’m pretty convinced that one of my friends only communicates with her husband on facebook – because they often post about how much they love eachother and also, what he needs to pick up for dinner. But my ultimate peeve are people who use their kids as their facebook photo, and then proceed to update me on their kids daily activities. I am tempted to inform them that I am not friends with thier kid, I am friends with them. Which comes off as a little harsh, but honestly, I know more about potty training and diaper rash than anyone without a toddler needs to know. Also, lately people have been reading news articles and somehow don’t realize that the articles publish to their walls. One of my friends read an article about lack of sex in marriage and it was way too tmi. don’t read that shit on facebook.

    February 23, 2012
    • oh erin. i feel bad because the kid thing is totally me. if it makes you feel any better, i hate the status updates from my childless friends that talk about all the incredibly fun and cool things they are doing (travel! eating while talking!) while they aren’t shackled to children.

      i’m planning an entire post about kid-related FB pitfalls, so stay tuned.

      February 23, 2012
      • Erin #

        oh yoona, the kid thing is totally not you! i love hearing about my friend’s kids and seeing adorable pictures…but when you write your facebook posts in the tone of your baby (true) and also post the play by play of how your kid’s circumcision is healing (sadly, also true), then a line has been crossed. babies are awesome! I just want to know that my friend still exists.

        February 23, 2012
  14. Christie #

    I don’t so much mind the “I love my husband” post (and am guilty, guilty) –what gets me is when the husband then posts back “I love you too babe! You’re the best!” and the marital conversation continues back and forth on a facebook wall. Why is your love conversation playing out on FB when you live in the same house and are probably sitting next too each other on the couch at that very moment?

    February 23, 2012
    • yeah i don’t get it. that’s what i was trying to say in my post. engaging in any sort of convo with your spouse on FB is not my fave

      February 23, 2012
      • anthony #

        Engaging in any sort of conversation is stupid. Nobody cares! and especially when it is just two people going back and forth for like 20 comments. Um first of all there is a chat feature. 2nd try texting or calling them.

        February 25, 2012
  15. Suzanne #

    My peeve posts are… “fill in the blank with whatever cause”… Let’s see who actually pays attention. If you like this post, copy this as your status for just one hour. I’ll be watching to see who actually does cherish family and friendships.

    February 23, 2012
    • and it’s especially bad when it’s people you really like, and want to support. like that one for breast cancer where you had to say that you were traveling to a country based upon what month you were born–i really wanted to do it, i did. but i didn’t. does that make me a bad friend??

      February 23, 2012
  16. so angry/upset right now posts with no further info. stop fishing for sympathy it’s in the dictionary between S**t and syphillis if you really want it.

    February 23, 2012
    • yes, like the aforementioned “that sucked” post. i know we are all crying for attention on FB, but let’s be a little more subtle about it, people

      February 23, 2012
  17. Tim DeJong #

    “Yum,” “yummy” and “yummers.”

    February 23, 2012
    • so funny. i was going to say i can see a place for an ironic “yummers,” but i think the word might actually be immune to irony

      February 23, 2012
  18. Ryan C. #

    the cryptic posts that are inside jokes/stories to only 2 or more people. usually those come from the people with 1500 friends

    February 23, 2012
    • ok, here’s one that is actually on my list. the inside joke, shared with 450 people who won’t get it. what is the point???

      February 23, 2012
  19. Love this. You childbirth overshare is nothing, one of my friends gave a cm dilated and % effaced play by play during her labor.

    Passive aggressive posts directed at your “friends” are probably the most annoying thing to me. Veiled threats online are for high-schoolers. When you’re a grown-ass woman, you call someone to the floor if you’re mad about something. But you don’t do it on Facebook… you pick up the phone. Yay Internet!

    February 23, 2012
    • yes, brilliant. and then 12 friends comment “was it me?” sad

      February 23, 2012
  20. Grayson Dempsey #

    This post made me laugh so hard, even though I totally have old wedding pictures up (requested by our florist!) and sometimes post about how awesome my husband is – and will probably continue to, I just can’t help myself. My pet peeves on FB totally include posting about the weather, posts about the awesome meal someone just made, and posts that would be more appropriate in a therapist’s office. But really I am just becoming more of a Pinterest girl altogether …

    February 23, 2012
    • don’t leave FB, grayson. and who doesn’t love jack dempsey?

      February 23, 2012
  21. You have hit the number 1 peeve of all time! FB gushing is even grosser than yellow liquid on toilet seats.

    February 23, 2012
    • wait, i don’t know if it’s grosser than that

      February 23, 2012
  22. I hate the mysterious, “my life is in shambles but I’m not going to be specific” posts that leave me wondering if I’m the one who “disappointed” said person. The kind that say, “well, at least I have one good friend.” Or this doozy, “the diagnosis is serious.” WTF? Just say, I’m dying and planning my funeral for next Tuesday, or my neighbor–the one kitty corner, across the street who keeps saying rude shit about me is a skank,” but cut the attention crying vagueness with bad things! The good things are okay, at least we can speculate and not worry.

    February 23, 2012
    • from the comments here, it appears that the “serious mysterious” post is a peeve of many. along the same lines, i am bothered by the random sans-explanation “that sucked” post. you know what sucks? your FB post

      February 23, 2012
      • I’ve heard it referred to as “vaguebooking” and it is perhaps my biggest fb peeve 🙂

        February 29, 2012
  23. Classic! And I don’t know how you’re a Portlander retraining from weather posts – it’s one of my top 5 topics. Things like, “ugh, more rain” or “what is that big orb in the sky?!” I’m sure they’ll continue on The Whitney Show. 🙂

    February 23, 2012
    • it’s very tempting. i was tempted to post about the full moon a couple weeks ago, but i’m going to chalk that up to there being a full moon and all

      February 23, 2012
  24. Kay #

    Listing chores accomplished. Good to know you mopped the floor and folded the laundry. Go team!

    February 23, 2012
    • dude. yes. although i for one would love to see a post like that from tom. “moving laundry from washer to dryer: nailed it”

      February 23, 2012
  25. Kristin Corcoran #

    Yoona, I am laughing so hard right now!LOL Thank you for the morning kick off! My pet peeve is when people complain about the same stuff all the time and throw themself a little pitty party. The worst part of it is when the same mass of people comment and support the party over and over again! Don’t they see the pattern? Snap out of if and don’t forget the good in your life!
    Ok, I’m done! Have a great day!
    Kristin

    February 23, 2012
    • pity parties: not good FB material. thanks kristin!

      February 23, 2012

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