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letter to linds

I met my friend Lindsay on the first day of law school, and she’s been a big part of my life for the better part of a decade. I didn’t know her when I was a child, but that’s not to say that I haven’t grown up with her. In the last eight years, we’ve taken bar exams together, been through three pregnancies together, gotten married (her), started our careers, and settled into our 30s. I started this blog after she sent an email, detailing the reasons why I should do it.

She has seen me through difficult times, like when I was pregnant with Finn as a 3L and had to carry my books in a wheeled backpack around campus to keep weight off my back. She only made fun of me 50% of the time, which was 100% less than my other wretched friends. For those who haven’t been to grad school in recent years, the wheelie bag is a surer road to social ostracization than having B.O. or facial hair as a woman. If Linds had gotten a wheelie bag in law school, I’m sure I would have been as supportive, just not from any closer than ten feet behind her.

She took Finn when he was three months old so that Tom and I could get away, and didn’t call us screaming when he vomited milk all over her in the middle of the night. When she babysat, she would carefully chart Finn’s naps in pink or yellow highlighter on his nap chart as instructed, although she did roll her eyes a bit. She has sucked boogers from my kids’ noses with bulb syringes, whilst gagging. When I showed up on her doorstep at 6:00 AM during a power outage with two gallons of frozen breastmilk in my arms, she made me coffee and cleared out her freezer.

I may have had post-partum depression after my second, Tate, was born, and the situation was made worse by the fact that Tom took a demanding new case the day that Tate was delivered. The paternity leave I’d been promised never materialized, and I went through a rough patch during the time when I was supposed to be happiest. Linds was there with me, checking in every day and talking me through the darkest and loneliest hours. She has seen me at my most vulnerable. I trust her as I trust few others.

So today, on the day that she is leaving her cherubic four-month old son behind and returning to work, I am writing her this post. To tell her that she will be ok, that her baby will not forget about her, and that he will be greatly entertained by all the new faces at daycare. That in sharing him with others, she is introducing Ford to all the love and care that will come to him in this world. That in the four months that she’s been a mom, it’s become obvious to everyone around her that she is a natural; that she makes motherhood look like a state of grace.

But mostly, I’m writing this post to tell her that my heart breaks for her, that I understand, and that it gets better.

photo, Grant Us the Luxury

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38 Comments Post a comment
  1. I read this post this morning and clicked ‘like’ right away. Your post and the mood it created has stayed with me the whole day, and so I had to come back and say this – I haven’t read a better celebration of female friendship in forever. Thank you for a beautiful post!

    March 13, 2012
    • what delightful feedback. it’s been lovely to hear people respond to this post, which meant a lot to me. thank you for reading shoba!

      March 13, 2012
  2. Kathy Rock #

    Ok, Yoona. You seriously reduced me to tears with this one. Lindsay is lucky to have a friend like you.

    March 2, 2012
    • i’m lucky to have HER.

      March 5, 2012
      • Kathy Rock #

        As are we. 🙂

        March 7, 2012
  3. You are an awesome friend, and there need to be more women in the world like you.

    March 2, 2012
  4. Omg, you are SO SWEET Yoona! If I were Linds, I’d be bawling like a little baby.

    March 1, 2012
    • i’m not actually that sweet, so i am enjoying these comments greatly

      March 5, 2012
  5. Ryan C. #

    such a nice post yoona! although, i disagree with the “wretched” comment 😉 i miss the l&c law review days where we just sat there and didn’t do what we were supposed to except eat the random trader joe’s food in the freezer

    February 29, 2012
    • yes, i recall that you and noah were particularly undiscriminating re the law review fridge offerings. good times. miss them.

      February 29, 2012
      • Ryan C. #

        we had to maintain our girlish figures

        March 1, 2012
  6. Yoona, I love you. And Linds is adorable. But really? You two are way too cute to be the harried moms of young ones. There are frumpy middle aged mothers with practically grown children reading your blog. And we (okay I) need to feel just a tad bit superior for having endured longer than you. Can’t you two do a sister a favor and look like crap? Please?

    February 29, 2012
    • ah we’re not that cute. also, joan, now you know how i feel when i read your blog and hear about all the awesome stuff you get to experience with your grown-up kids. sigh. one day…

      February 29, 2012
  7. A good friend is to be cherished and it sound like you are doing just that!

    February 29, 2012
  8. Courtney #

    Very sweet and I got choked up too. A nice counterpoint to my unrequited texts of late . . .

    February 29, 2012
  9. Wow this kind of frienship and love is a beautiful thing. Words are a precious gift to give a friend just when they need them the most 🙂

    February 29, 2012
    • sometimes, words are all we have. thanks hannah.

      February 29, 2012
  10. rt #

    this is really lovely Yoona. I remember the day I dropped of my 10-month old son at daycare for the first time and how I cried afterwards, worrying that he would forget that I am his mother and wondering whether he would enjoy daycare. He most certainly did (nowadays he often doesn’t want to leave when we pick him up), and my guilt gradually dissipated as I watched him blossomed and grew in this loving environment.

    February 29, 2012
    • i dropped off my first at 7 weeks, to finish my last term of law school. gut-wrenching. by the second, i was much better, because i knew how great daycare could be (plus tate was 14 weeks when he started). how lucky that your son had you all to himself for 10 months…thanks for the comment, risa.

      February 29, 2012
  11. As Lindsay’s mom, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know that she has a family of friends to love and support her. She is an extraordinary woman and I am so proud of her I could burst. But moving to this new phase of motherhood is wrenching. Thank you so much for being there for her!

    February 29, 2012
    • denada. gotta say, at this point i’m more worried about ethan…

      February 29, 2012
  12. TiffinsBLU #

    So wonderful Yoona!!! Glad there are women who truly love and support other women. Love the magical friendship you share with Linds, and that you shared with all of us…….such a heartfelt post!! Very thoughtful! One more reason we love to love you Yoons!!!

    February 29, 2012
    • true about women supporting women. i’m valuing my female friendships more the older i get. xoxo tiffin…

      February 29, 2012
  13. Lisa #

    Yoona I burst into uncontrollable sobs when i read this. We who must balance the roles of career woman, mother and wife deserve a special place in heaven. The guilt, the anxiety, the sadness and joy. Like the ocean the waves of emotion can sometimes knock you on your ass. Thanks for keeping it real, you are beautiful!

    February 29, 2012
    • hey lisa…sometimes it seems like motherhood is about always having a lump in your throat, no matter how happy you are. here’s to moms. xoxo.

      February 29, 2012
  14. Heather #

    And there are so many who will love that little man of hers. My heart breaks for her today too. (But it would be nice if she didn’t make parenthood look so easy, or of she wiped my kids boogers…)

    February 29, 2012
    • she has a real issue with boogers, doesn’t she. 🙂

      February 29, 2012
  15. Grayson #

    Beautiful post. Sending love to you, Lindsay.

    February 29, 2012
  16. Suzanne #

    I’m all choked up. Nice post and I am sure very meaningful to Lindsay on the first day back to work.

    February 29, 2012
    • thanks ms. suzanne. it’s lovely to get feedback on the posts that mean the most to me.

      February 29, 2012
  17. Really lovely Yoona!

    February 29, 2012
  18. Beautiful Yoona. A testament to what a true friend is – the one who’s there, not just for the fun, but also for the pain. Walking along side us…

    February 29, 2012
    • indeed. it’s crazy how much heavier the issues become as we get older. thanks whit.

      February 29, 2012

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