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tv with tom

Tom spends a lot of his downtime watching TV. I’ve spent a lot of time watching Tom watch TV. For my money, the latter is way more entertaining.

There is, first of all, the sports. Tom grew up in a family that considers the watching of televised sports to be legitimate family time, and I respect that. But what amuses me is his utter lack of discretion when it comes to the “sports” he will watch on TV. Two weeks ago I found him sprawled on a shag rug, lazily scratching his stomach, eyes glued to what looked to my untrained eye like roller derby, except on skis, down the side of a mountain. Tom caught me observing, and practically shrieked in excitement. “LOOK, LOOK!! Yoona, you have to watch this–they call this a SPORT!!” I have no idea how much of the Red Bull Games he ended up watching, but given that it was a Saturday, it could have been anywhere from 4 to 7 hours.

As for basketball, soccer, and football–Tom watches all the games and DVRs the highlights, both for his repeated viewing and my future delectation. So it is that I’ve been forced to sit through approximately five hundred 10-second snippets of soccer goals, all devoid of context, each of which look identical to one another. For the record, I’ve only seen one goal in my life that looked any different from the rest, and that’s this goal from the 2002 Champions League Final. And I’m pretty sure I only remember that goal because I am obsessed with Zidane. In any event, Tom’s commitment to watching sports on TV is truly awesome to behold.

Particularly given all the other shows he has to fit into his schedule. In some cultures, Sundays are for God. Tom goes to church on Sundays alright, except his church is called the Church of HBO, and the congregation meets at 9:00 PM. Weeknights are for DVDs of defunct series that are no longer on TV (e.g. The Wire), because the options currently available on Comcast are simply not enough. And before you comment on how awesome The Wire is, be assured that Tom will watch entire seasons of bad shows, not just good ones. In 2007 he Netflix-ed the entire run of Magnum P.I. and spent three months watching high-value episodes like my personal favorite, Ep. 3: “China Doll.”

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Of course, reality shows are a vital part of Tom’s TV mix. And he doesn’t just watch, he feels. He talks to himself when he’s watching American Idol, and cries during Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I don’t care if this is sexist: I prefer my man to be, you know, manly. And simply put, it’s not hot when I come downstairs and Tom’s talking to the TV, shouting singing advice to an Idol contestant. Or worse, when he mutters to himself about the Idol contestant (e.g. “She’s so Broadway!”). As for EMHE–that show, while it was on, would regularly reduce Tom to a shambles. It is no exaggeration to say that I’ve never seen Tom watch an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition without it ending with him sobbing like a little girl.

Lastly, there’s the “news.” On any given weeknight around 10:00, Tom’s in front of the TV, marking up a brief and watching Dateline. Observe your husband watching enough TV about guys killing their wives, and you start to get nervous. I remarked on it once in jest, and this was his chilling, unfunny response: “I’d never kill you, because I’d get caught.” Not “I’d never kill you because I love you,” or “I’d never kill you because that’s INSANE.” No. Because he’d GET CAUGHT.

Please remember to mention this blog post to the authorities if I ever go missing. And now, I have to go watch Tom watch some TV.

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18 Comments Post a comment
  1. Courtney #

    If you don’t cry like a little girl during EMHE, you have a heart of stone. Good for Tom.

    April 19, 2012
  2. I guess I should be thankful my husband and I have similar tastes in televised entertainment. We bond over DVR catch up. There are better things we could bond over of course, and that truth leads me to considering canceling cable once every three months or so… but I think I’d miss it more than he would.

    April 17, 2012
    • i think i am scared to watch because i know i could get really sucked in. my survival instinct, kicking in.

      April 18, 2012
  3. My husband has a sick obsession with the Bravo shows – particularly the Real Housewives. I have gotten to the point of asking him point-blank, “How many times have you seen this one?” and if the answer is more than “Once,” I’m changing the channel.

    He’s also always the one to turn on Jeopardy at 7:00pm, our weeknight tradition. Thank God for small favors!

    My in-laws are always watching Cracked or Snapped or whatever those shows are where the wife kills the husband. We half expect to find my father-in-law missing one day.

    Glad to know that TV is the scourge of someone else’s household as well! =)

    April 13, 2012
    • i have heard from a few people that the real housewives series can completely overtake one’s tv schedule. there are like 12 different ones, right? i love jeopardy but i am conflicted about watching it because it feels like i should know the answers, and i never do. especially those damn potent potables

      April 16, 2012
      • However many Housewives there are, it’s clearly not enough. They won’t stop until there’s a second Bravo channel that plays nothing but Housewives 24/7.

        April 19, 2012
  4. Fia #

    Haha! Love this post šŸ™‚
    Have a nice weekend!

    http://bitterfia.wordpress.com

    April 13, 2012
    • it was a nice one here in portland, hope it was sunny in sweden…

      April 16, 2012
  5. I like Tom šŸ™‚

    April 12, 2012
  6. Even Peter has a tough time stomaching EMHE ā€” and that’s pretty much the only time I’ve ever seen him get teary-eyed. Sad, I think.

    Thanks for another great post ā€” so funny you are!

    April 12, 2012
    • we should sit them down in front of an episode and see who cracks first

      April 12, 2012
  7. Erin #

    I can’t believe you outed Tom re: Exteme Makeover Home Edition. That he both watches it and cries during it.
    As for the Church of HBO…I am also a member. Esp since Game of Thrones Season 2 has started.

    April 12, 2012
    • i could out him on worse but he’s asserted spousal privilege. i do love me some jon snow

      April 12, 2012
  8. that was a fabulous goal, and probably the reason why a past-his-prime Zidane continued to lead the french team to infamy for the next few years.

    i cured my husband of indiscriminate sports-watching by giving away the tv. but we still get up at too-early-o’clock to shout at pirated internet streams of the rugby.

    April 12, 2012
    • i am having a good time imagining tom’s hysteria if i threw away the tv

      April 12, 2012
  9. I think I’d like Tom.

    April 12, 2012
    • for certain. you both appreciate dominque wilkins, for starters. although we don’t have a beach towel with him on it

      April 12, 2012

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