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the candy bowl

The top three things about my job:

1. Intellectual stimulation

2. My coworkers

3. The Law

The real top three things about my job:

1. My kids aren’t there

2. Free monthly firm lunch

3. Angie’s candy bowl

I’ve met some serious candy bowls in my day, but Angie’s takes the cake.  Angie is our payroll administrator/assistant bookkeeper, who, unfortunately for me, sits next to my secretary.  She is an all-around lovely person, but for my purposes, the most important thing to know about Angie is that she stocks a primo candy bowl.  None of that filler BS like Laffy Taffy, or the red and white mints you get for free at Chinese restaurants, or Necco wafers.  In desperate times I will choke down a Laffy Taffy–despite the oily film that is guaranteed to coat the inside of my mouth for the next two hours–and I’ve eaten my share of free mints.  But I consider people who will eat Necco wafers to be seriously flawed.

No Necco wafers for our Angie.  Just this: mini Almond Joy, Snickers, Three Musketeers; Dove chocolates; Hershey’s Kisses; the occasional bag of Whoppers.  Whole peanut butter cups, little bags of M&Ms and Reese’s Pieces, and finally, the king of all snack-size candy bars: the Funsize Twix.  Is there anything better than the Funsize Twix?  No, there is not.  There’s the chocolate, the caramel, the cookie.  All wrapped up in a dense little nugget of candy satisfaction that delivers supreme mouthfeel.  For the record, if you lay four Funsize Twix bars end to end, they are still technically smaller than a full-size Twix, not that I’ve ever checked.

I love Angie’s candy bowl, but I also hate it, because as may be evident, I am powerless to avoid its siren song.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I usually do pretty well from 8:30 to 10:00 AM–the day is still new and the memory of my breakfast of green smoothie is usually fresh.  And I’m fine between noon and 1:00, because I’m usually eating lunch somewhere during that hour.  But between 10:30 and noon, I have no hope of avoiding the candy bowl unless I physically stay inside my office.  As for 3:00 to 5:00 PM, I might as well just sit in Angie’s lap, because that’s how often I’m at her station.  It’s embarrassing to admit that a candy bowl has that kind of power over you.

There are about four or five of us in the office who are habitual users.  We all know who the others are, and we keep silent tabs on who’s taking what, and how often.  The worst is when I casually drop by the candy bowl and find one of the other hyenas already at the watering hole.  Then I either have to make some lame joke about my addiction to the candy bowl, or pretend like I was just passing by.  Either option is a sure road to debasement.  I don’t mind the partner on my floor who clearly has a candy problem on par with mine–mostly because I don’t think he’s a Twix man–but I DO object to the others, who don’t even sit on my floor and regularly leave Angie’s station with fistfuls of Kit-Kats.  To those leeches, I say: get your own damn candy bowl.

13 Comments Post a comment
  1. i used to have that candy bowl… in days of old, when i used to go to an office… 😉

    March 1, 2012
  2. I used to work in a place that employed students. And in addition to paying students, we fed the students lots of snacks to increase their focus and productivity. And not lame snacks. Full-size candy bar kind of snacks.

    And I knew where the key to the snack cabinet was hidden.

    That’s all I’m sayin’.

    February 21, 2012
  3. Fia #

    OH! Hershey’s kisses! When I visited Boston I bought lots of those to bring back to Sweden since we don’t have them here. And Big red chewing gum! I think I have to import some.

    February 20, 2012
    • FINALLY. something sweden doesn’t have that the US does. i feel bad for you swedes. a life without hershey’s kisses??

      February 20, 2012
      • Fia #

        I had almost forgot about them until I read your post. Would have been just perfect now. Foot bath, Top model Sweden and some Hershey’s. 😛

        February 21, 2012
  4. As someone on the same floor who partakes from the candy from time to time, I concur that the others should get their own bowl. Pronto! I’m also craving a Twix for some unknown reason…

    February 20, 2012
  5. Kay #

    This time of year we have the ‘snack cube’ which is unfortunately located close enough to me that I don’t even have to stand up. I am eatting enough already without the added pressure of gummy bears. At i can blame the baby for the added lbs.

    February 20, 2012
    • your baby needs calories. candy has calories.

      kay, i sort of look down on you for liking gummy bears. i don’t think of it as candy unless there’s chocolate in it. tom loves sour patch kids and those are just the worst.

      February 20, 2012
  6. Kaula #

    At my last job my manager used to stock a candy bowl with snickers, twix, peanut butter cups, three musketeers and three different kinds of milky ways. Three. I could live off of dark chocolate milky ways. In a pinch, even te regular kind. I know how you feel.

    February 20, 2012
    • milky ways are bomb, although they do lack a certain complexity. i’ll eat them though, for sure

      February 20, 2012
  7. Our company president used to have a 2lb-bag-a-week M&M’s habit. I feel your pain.

    February 20, 2012
    • impressive. my friend eats one pound bags of mint m&ms by herself during the holidays, i guess that’s close?

      February 20, 2012

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