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so uncool

Trying to save money always leads me to bad places. Like my hair dryer, for example. About three years ago, my Conair died. The lady at Trade Secret showed me the options, which all cost over $100.

$100? My Conair had cost something like $14.99. Seeing my hesitation, the salesperson paused. “I have a really good dryer that’s been marked down to $25,” she said. “But it’s a weird color.” Who cares what my hair dryer looks like, I thought. And that’s how I ended up with my Ed Hardy hair dryer.

It’s a hell of a dryer. My mom tried to take it to Korea until I reminded her of the voltage issue. Still, it’s ugly and racially offensive and I have to hide it when guests use my bathroom, and all that leads me to wonder if the savings of $75 was worth it, in the long run.

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I thought of my hair dryer this week as I bought my new skis. The guy helping me at the ski shop, who I should probably refer to as “T,” was about 25 and totally adorable. He reminded me of my high school boyfriend, who skipped a lot of school to go snowboarding, and once wrote me a love letter in which he referred to me throughout as his “Angle.” He wasn’t an academic, but he knew his gear, and I felt similarly trusting of T.

When I told T my budget, he looked depressed. But then he lit up. “Actually, I have a ski that would be great.” He took me over to a pair of white Dynastars. “I’ve skied this twin-tip, it’s awesome and has great control,” he said. “It’s on closeout, because of the design on it.” I looked closer. Ah. No wonder. There was a pink kiss mark on the design. So cheesy. And worse, the kiss made the skis look even more like girl skis, which they clearly were, because they were white. The skis also had an unfortunate label that said “Trouble Maker.” I’m not a trouble maker. In fact, the thought of making trouble of any kind stresses me out.

But the skis had been marked down to $199, including bindings. Less than my last pair of jeans. Tom would be so proud that I’d saved money. “Pretty bad,” I said, smiling at T. “But I can live with it for the price.”

T shook his head. “No, that’s not the bad part.” He rotated the skis to show the bottoms, which look like this.

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My God. I couldn’t believe you could put a picture like that on sporting equipment. I fought the urge to throw my coat over the skis. I couldn’t buy them. I would be ridiculous. But $199! Almost the same price as a season rental. “You aren’t just saying they’re good skis to get rid of them, right?”, I asked. T shook his head. I asked that question because I couldn’t ask the one I really wanted to ask, which was “You aren’t just saying they’re good skis because you’re high, right?” It seemed wrong given that he was at work and all.

I looked around at all the normal skis that didn’t have naked women on them, and nibbled nervously at my fingernails. It was so unfair. You shouldn’t feel like you have to sell your soul in order to save a little money.

In the end, I bought them. I told myself they could be ironic. But the buyer’s remorse started almost as soon as I left the store. I remembered that I’m 35, which makes me about five years too old to buy something uncool and pass it off as ironic. I am exactly old enough, however, that someone looking at me in those skis might think that I actually thought the skis were cool. After sleeping on it, I panicked afresh when I called T the next morning to ask him a question about my boots, and he didn’t even remember me at first, which leads me to the conclusion that he was in fact totally stoned when he sold me those skis.

Whatever. I saved money. I have that to cling to. Also, Tom really likes my skis, and keeps asking to look at them again. When Finn saw them, he stared at them wide-eyed and then laughed for a full minute, in a way that made me realize I would be the ridicule, not only of adults, but of children.

At least I saved some money.

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54 Comments Post a comment
  1. Emz #

    this post made me laugh out loud… then, because I’m pregnant, start to cry. The tears in turn caused the coconut oil on my eye lids (which I’m using to treat my pregnancy fish scales, because I’m cheap) to run into my eyes. Totally worth it and, hey at least I saved some money.
    Thanks for the chuckles!

    April 10, 2014
  2. Hahahaha……………… β€œNo, that’s not the bad part.” He rotated the skis to show the bottoms, which look like this. I can stop laughing on the floor for this pic! Great posting! Greetings πŸ™‚

    February 24, 2013
  3. Kristine #

    Yoona- WHERE did you get these skiis? They are so completely ridiculous, I must have them.

    February 7, 2013
  4. Ashley #

    LOL! I’m sorry, Yoona, I just had to laugh. Hahahahaha. Well, again, at least you saved some money. πŸ˜‰

    January 30, 2013
  5. Oh my – so funny!

    January 27, 2013
  6. Kristin Corcoran #

    Yoona, I cannot stop laughing right now! This the best post! OMG. I’m still laughing while typing! I think your hair dryer does the job and agree that who is going to see it! If I ever get back on the mountain, I am kownmire inclined to start looking up at the chairlift to see what is underneath! If anyone can pull those off, it will be you!!!

    January 27, 2013
    • luckily you never see the bottoms of skis. never. it worked out, in the end

      March 6, 2013
  7. I love that your blow dryer color coordinates with your new skis. I can’t help but wonder about the consumers who may have paid full price for these items. Also, I feel weird commenting on your blog without introducing myself…I’m Shaw, mom of 2 boys (7 & 4) also, living in LA. Stumbled across your blog and I really enjoy it!

    January 25, 2013
  8. Susie E. #

    A friend introduced me to your blog, and I’m so glad she did. My kidney hurts from all the laughing. As a fellow 2nd-gen KA, I’m also blessed with semi-malfunctioning frugality. I live in Portland with two young kids, and my husband is a lawyer, so maybe I’ll run into you soon!

    January 24, 2013
    • with similarities like that, we are bound to run into one another! if, when we do, my kids are behaving badly, please pretend not to notice

      January 24, 2013
  9. At first, I thought this was a bikini snow bunny. But the dominatrix is so much better! Have a blast with them.

    January 22, 2013
  10. Love the skis! They will be a great conversation starter on the trams and the good news is that you will always be able to find your skis on the ski rack.

    January 22, 2013
    • i hadn’t thought of that. as a bonus, no one will want to steal them at the ski check

      January 24, 2013
  11. It would definitely make my day if I saw you wearing those at the ski hill…hilarious!

    January 21, 2013
    • i skied them for two days and no one even saw the bottoms. i admit that i wanted someone to comment, but there are actually very few times when you can see the bottoms of your skis. so disappointing

      January 24, 2013
  12. With you sporting those skis I suggest Tom forgo the rental line and simply follow you around with a boom box to provide background music. Research would be needed for just the right play list but a lineup of “hits” by Whitesnake, Poison, and Def Leppard (Pour Some Sugar on Me) all seem likely candidates.

    January 18, 2013
  13. hahahhaahhahhahah

    January 18, 2013
  14. Dorothy #

    I’m so proud of you for those purchases I can hardly stand it!

    January 17, 2013
  15. No one will see the bottom. Draw a mustache on her face.

    January 17, 2013
    • i would never. she’s perfect. i just wish she wasn’t on my skis

      January 17, 2013
  16. Those are horrendous! And I would have bought them too.

    January 17, 2013
    • i prefer “scandalous” over “horrendous”

      January 17, 2013
  17. Miri Hwang #

    That hair-dryer is mesmerizing. I can’t stop looking at it.
    What is wrong with me?

    I’m one of Jen S’s work friends, BTW.

    January 17, 2013
    • Hey Miri! the ironic thing is I’m fairly certain geishas don’t use hair dryers

      January 17, 2013
  18. That is one “sweet” pair of boards. I love Finn’s sense of humour.

    How can you not smile when you know the tops of your skis are *nothing* like the bottoms?

    January 17, 2013
    • yes, my dirty little secret. these comments are making me feel better

      January 17, 2013
  19. You should get one of those large t-shirts with the big chested lady in a bikin on it – like a fake silhouette, wear it over your snow coat and just be a boss. http://www.pics22.com/sexy-bikini-body-t-shirt/ like that.

    January 17, 2013
    • I love those t shirts and hope I’m brave enough to wear them when I get a bit older

      January 17, 2013
  20. Andy #

    In addition to your enormous goggles and hat and face muffler, also get a racing bib turn it backwards and write “I know, I know but they only cost $199!”

    Or!

    You could use this as an opportunity to unleash your skiing alter ego, which is “teenage boy who reads lots of comic books and harbors incredibly outdated views about gender roles.” If you really try to own it — like really go for the Oscar — it could be really fun.

    January 17, 2013
    • it could be really fun but sounds time and effort intensive

      January 17, 2013
  21. You will no doubt be the envy of every teenage boy that gets a load of those as you drift above them on the lifts, in fact my husband quite liked them and actually said “Niiiiiiice!” So at the very least you are the envy of Captain Canada. However, I feel that the “Alpen Mistress” looks just a tad domineering. Anyhow, I hope they work out well and that you enjoy them. Happy skiing!

    January 17, 2013
    • yes i’ve gotten that reaction from most of the men who have seen them. i mean, what’s not to love. i just fear she will be cold, touching all that snow with her bare skin

      January 17, 2013
      • Maybe knit a ski cozy or draw some clothing on her.

        January 17, 2013
  22. πŸ˜€

    January 17, 2013
  23. Great choice to buy them. People won’t notice when you’re lugging then around or when ur on the lift. The only time will be if u have an epic wipeout. Which I’m sure never happens – right?

    But I wonder why they’d have a lingerie clad woman on the bottom of girls skis. Wouldn’t they sell more if they had a shirtless Ryan gosling on the tops? Hmmm, business plan…

    January 17, 2013
    • if my skis had ryan gosling on them, tom would just stare at them all day. he is obsessed with ryan gosling

      January 17, 2013
  24. I applaud you for your confidence and how you don’t care (too much) what others think, even though you expect ridicule. I personally wouldn’t be brave enough to buy them and I would have spent unnecessary extra money on some others. Of course, you’re brave for skiing, period — it looks so scary!

    January 17, 2013
    • well, i thank you for your kind words. but i think my post might be a testament to how far i have to come in not caring what people think

      January 17, 2013
  25. Karen #

    All I can think about is what the people skiing/boarding down the slope are going to think when they look up and see that picture on the bottom of your skis. I rarely look up at the chair lift when I’m skiing down, but that obviously needs to change….

    January 17, 2013
    • thanks for this. now i’m totally bugging because T told me the only time people would see the woman is when i catch air, and i spend most of my ski time trying NOT to catch air. i didn’t think about the chair lift thing. but i will have goggles and a helmet, no one will know it’s me

      January 17, 2013
  26. Dan G. #

    I support both purchases, which are lol funny. The ski lady looks like a sexy cross between Kate Beckinsale and Sandra Bullock.

    January 17, 2013
    • there is no doubt that the ski lady is smoking hot. i’d like her waist to hip ratio, for starters

      January 17, 2013
  27. You are so funny!! I bet you can make those skis look awesomely bad *grin*

    January 17, 2013
    • yes, i fear awesomely bad is about the best i can hope for

      January 17, 2013
  28. Jen Schottler #

    Yoona—this post just made my day. I have introduced your blog to my office mates at work and we have just spent the morning laughing out loud and rereading bits and pieces of your post out loud to one another. Thanks for the laugh—that will keep us entertained for the day…and even longer:)

    January 17, 2013
    • oh that delights me. i love hearing that people read me at work. i feel like i’m complicit in sticking it to the man, and that makes me happy. congrats on your beautiful new niece!

      January 17, 2013
      • Jen Schottler #

        Thank you!:)

        January 17, 2013
  29. Tami #

    Ahhh ha ha ha!!! Your skis might have a naked lady on them, but now you can ski past all the losers in the rental line on the mountain. Thanks for the laugh!

    January 17, 2013
    • tom will be one of the renters so i can’t enjoy it too much. but yes i will not miss the 45 minutes it takes to rent skis on the mountain…

      January 17, 2013

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